Relationship blog

Relationship blog

söndag 14 juli 2013

Article 2 In The Series of Articles on From Breaking Up to Making Up

We Are Getting Back Together Quizzes

Don't Be Hasty

A break up should never be over one dramatic experience. Put things in the context of your entire relationship. Remember, you can talk through most individual things. This doesn't mean that talking will save every relationship, but your relationship is a precious thing and shouldn't be thrown away over something stupid.

Think about whether you would rather not have this person in your life. What will losing him or her mean for you? What are the kinds of things you will miss out on when he or she is not around?

You have to ask yourself if you love the person. You need to know that the love doesn't end just because your relationship has. But, instead of having someone to share the love, you will just have a hole in your heart.

This doesn't mean that you shouldn't break up. It just means that you shouldn't be hasty about it.

Don't Move On Until You've Moved On

It is not fair to move on before you have informed the other person. Don't start dating other people before your own boyfriend or girlfriend has been dumped. It will hurt ever so much more if your ex feels you cheated on them.

If you are in an exclusive relationship, keep it exclusive. This ties in with being honest. If you find that you have started becoming attracted to other people and your affection for your significant other has diminish, finish things off with him or her before you take up with someone else. It's the right thing to do.

How To Get Ex Back


The Week Following the Break Up

The week following the break up is the most painful period. It is also the time when people do stupid things. Whether you are planning to never see your ex again or you desperately want him or her back, there are some things you can do and things you shouldn't do during this critical period.

Give Yourself Some Space

When you've broken up with your ex, you need a “cooling off period.” Tempers have flared, people have hurt each other and sadness has ensued. So, give yourself some space during this time.

Your best bet is to avoid contact and communication for a week. Don't call, text or email your ex and don't let them contact you. Don't go out of your way to see them. When you do come into contact casually, disengage as soon as it is polite to do so.

If your ex contacts you, it is a good idea to ask them to give you a week to sort things out. Ask them not to contact you and you will do the same for them. Let them know that this doesn't mean that you want to cut them out of your life, you just need a cooling off period and give them a date for when you will be willing to talk again.

By giving yourself some space, you can analyze your next move. You can decide whether you want to try to get your ex back or whether you want to move on. Don't make these decisions casually when you are feeling hurt and vulnerable.

Article 3 in this series will be published tomorrow. But dont wait read this instead
>>How To Get Your Girlfriend/Boyfriend Back<<

lördag 13 juli 2013

Article 1 In A Series of Articles On From Breaking Up To Making Up

We Are Getting Back Together Quizzes

Introduction

Slam! Kristin closed the door to the car and Scott wondered what just happened. “I can't believe you just did that!” she said.

“Did what?” Scott said honestly.

“You were totally making out with that blonde chick!”

“Um, I was dancing with her because you said your feet hurt.”

“You don't care about me,” Kristin replys back.

“Huh?” is Scott's response.

“Well if you're going to be that way, I want out. We're through!” Kristin says. As the car pulls up to her house, she almost runs to get inside before Scott's even gotten out.

In this case, Scott and Kristin have broken up and nobody is sure what has really happened.

Are they doomed to live separate lives now or is there a chance that they can patch things up? This report looks at both scenarios. If Scott and Kristin are going to get back together, they need a cooling off period. Then, they need to work on rebuilding their relationship and fixing what is wrong.

We Are Getting Back Together


If, on the other hand they are destined to split, there are things they need to do to bring closure so they can move on.

This report is going to look at the anatomy of the end of the relationship – from the break up to the make up.

The Break Up

We'll first start by examining how people break up. Most people handle the break up all wrong. This can make the event far more painful than it has to be. Additionally, it can stand in the way of actually reconciling. So, if you're reading this before the break up, bear these things in mind.

If there is going to be a break up, there are some things you should do to make it fair.

Be Honest

If you are going to break up with someone, you owe it to your shared history to be honest about it. This doesn't mean that you have to dredge up everything that ever went wrong, but you should have a heart to heart about heading in opposite directions. Some of the time, one person realizes that things aren't as they should be before the other one does. By being honest, you can do your best to minimize the hurt your ex will experience.

If the relationship has gotten too serious and you are not ready for that level of commitment, let your ex know that it's not them.

But, if there is something specific that has gone on with your relationship, let the other person know. It might be something that will doom all of their relationships if they don't fix it. For instance, if your ex girlfriend nags you all of the time, you can tell her that her harping has irrevocably harmed your relationship. Or, if he refuses to communicate with you, let him know it's been a problem. These things are helpful not hurtful.

But, don't go into every little thing and don't drag out the conversation. Being honest doesn't mean talking things to death.

Article 2 of this series of articles on "From Breaking Up To Making Up" will be published tomorrow.

pS. FrEe ViDeO oN tHe SuBjEcT HeRe!

fredag 12 juli 2013

Article 6 and Conclusion of The Series of Articles on Finding Someone Special To Spend Your Life With

We Are Getting Back Together Quizzes

What to Look for in a Matchmaking Service

When choosing a matchmaking service, you should ask a lot of questions. For instance, find out how long the service has been in business because new companies have fewer members and fewer compatible matches. They also go out of business soon.

Find out what programs they have and the levels and fees for various services. Ask them about how many members they have and get the demographic details such as age, profession and religion. The best bet is to join a service with 1000 to 2000 members with equal numbers of males and females at the various age levels.

Be sure to find out what the relationship goals of the membership are. Is this a matchmaking service for those wanting to get married or just for people looking for a casual date?

Find out who does the actual matching and how long she has been working for the service. Keep in mind that the industry suffers from high turnover rates. If your matchmaker has moved on, ask for another interview with the new matchmaker so that they have a personal interest in you.

Find out what variables you will be matched on. Don't fall for services that “score” you. Also avoid smarmy services that remind you of used car salesmen.

We Are Getting Back Together


You should know how you will be informed about your matches. The best services phone you to describe the match and obtain your consent before exchanging your data with another client.

Ask what steps are taken to protect your confidentiality. If you don't get an answer that satisfies you, run!

Ask why the interviewer thinks the program fits you. One way to find out is to ask who the service turns down. Remember, if they take everyone, they'll suit no one.

Look for feedback and testimonials from other members, but keep in mind that the service will only produce the most positive ones.

Ask about what happens when members are dissatisfied. Is there a full or partial refund if the service does not turn out to be useful.

Finally, it's okay to ask the matchmaker what makes her service better than the competitor. Make sure her answer makes sense to you before signing on the dotted line.

The staff should never be allowed to date the members.

Additionally, the service should be located in an office that you go to. Beware of services that come to your home or meet you in a hotel lobby.

Conclusion

You may think it is hard to meet someone special. But your first order of business is to determine where you are in your life.

If you are a casual dater, someone special may be someone to be with you on New Year's Eve or Valentine's Day. You may want to date someone who doesn't have any long term relationship goals, they're just in it for right now.

If you are a more serious dater, you're looking for someone with a little more staying power. This doesn't have to be the man or woman you want to spend your life with, but maybe if the timing is right, you could possibly settle down in the future with him or her. You want someone who shares a good deal of your life interests as you will be spending a lot of time with them.

Finally, if you are laser targeted on finding a husband or wife, you need to take serious steps so that you are dating only people who are also looking for a long term relationship. You don't want to burn out on dating before you find Mr. or Ms. Right who you will raise children with.

It can be hard to find someone special. Both men and women can become frustrated with the lack of available members of the opposite sex! But, using the insight found in these six articles, you should be able to determine just how to find your dream match – where ever you are in your dating life.
Ps.The Magic of Making Up site is the highest ranked Relation Guide online!

torsdag 11 juli 2013

Article 5: Finding Someone Special To Spend Your Live With

We Are Getting Back TogetherQuizzes

Online Dating Services

Online dating services are an evolution on personal ads. Lydda will first fill out a profile which states her demographics and preferences. The service's computer program then selects certain people who match her in ways she indicates such as age, race, religion, and relationship goal.

The service also has a library function where she can browse other people's profiles. Additionally, she can opt to have her profile go “live” so that men can contact her.

Online dating services vary in price. Most will let users join for no upfront fee with the restriction that they can only browse the listings. Once they actually want to contact or respond to other people using the service, they have to pay a fee. These fees can vary between $20 a month to $100+.

Some of the services offer very limited space for personal information. As a result, users get largely demographic data and not the personality of the person. Other services are more generous in what they allow. Most of the services offer a photo or video profile. Lydda may want to consider getting professional photographs to place on the service because this will make her more attractive to men who are searching the database or have been matched to her. Many people skip the profiles and just look at the pictures or only look at the profiles of the people they've found to be beautiful.

Lydda should keep in mind that each man compiles his own profile. They may be slanted – or just lies. She should take the same precautions with online dating that she does with personal ads.

Personal Matchmaking

Matchmaking has been a profession (or a calling, depending on how you look at it) in many cultures and across time. The current incarnation is the Personal Matchmaker.

The credentials, training, skill, professionalism, and ethics of matchmakers vary widely. Some matchmakers are part of a nationwide franchise and others are a more personalized boutique service.

Sometimes the matchmaker meets the clients, and sometimes she (it's almost always a she) does not.

In most cases the personal matchmaker will interview a potential client extensively asking questions about relationship goals and then make matches.

The service would screen and research matches for Lydda and then notify her via email or phone when a match is ready. If both Lydda and the man accept the match, names and numbers are exchanged. Basically, the service does all of the hard work and Lydda can have the fun.

The prices for personal matchmaking vary widely. You can expect to pay at least $1000 for a good service, but prices can go up to $5000 or more. The price for most companies is for a set period of time generally one or two years. Other services will give a certain number of matches for a set fee.

We Are Getting Back Together


A credible matchmaking service is good for a busy person like Lydda. She'll appreciate the convenience and time saved by having a professional setting up the matches.

Match making is the easiest, most time efficient way for Lydda to meet men. Keep in mind that everyone burns out when they do too much of something for too long. If Lydda gets on the dating treadmill, she may give up before she's met Mr. Right. But with a Matchmaking service, she cuts out most of the “work” of dating.

But these services are not perfect. The level of professionalism varies widely. Some of the problems include having you interview with someone other than the matchmaker or sending your data out of town to a computer program that supposedly matches you.

The forms you fill out are not standard psychological tests – they're just quizzes and may not even be taken into consideration. A good match maker can use these as tools, but they are not themselves the scientific basis for a relationship.
Article 6 will continue the focus on Matchmaking Services.
Ps.
Last year I was doing some “lateral thinking” trying to come up with a way
to assist the “dating market”…that wasnt already just over run with
competition.
And…I had an idea…that stemmed from thinking about the “people”
involved. Which most of my good ideas come from thinking like
or hanging out with the people involved.
So I was trying to pretend, after over a decade of marriage, that I was my
target market…and the question I asked was…
What brought me to a dating site?
Like eHarmony…or True…or Chemistry.com?
…And I had the thought that many probably come after a BREAK UP or
DIVORCE…or in the middle of a separation.
So…
I began to look for and hang out where these newly separated guys and
gals were hanging out.
…and what I discovered was that MANY wanted more than anything else
was a way to MAKE UP before the relationship completely broke up
forever. Secondarily, they wanted a way to deal with the emotions they
were having going through this very tough time.
Interesting huh?
Now, if you have read the articles for any amount of time…I preach and preach
and preach…what?...What about relationship success?...Success for regular
guys and gals that more then anything else need to Make Up instead of Break Up?
The solution was  A Phenomenal Innovation In Relation Support and Love Advice!
The Magic Second Chance Letter! You will find it here with a lot of more fast
help for a broken heart including a Free Video with expert advice!

onsdag 10 juli 2013

We Are Getting Back Together:Article 4 Finding Someone Special To Spend Your Life With

We Are Getting Back Together Articles

Method 3 - Laser Targeted Dating

Laser Targeted Dating is dating for keeps. This describes Lydda's situation in the first article. She wants to cut to the chase and find a partner to settle down with. The methods described in this section are the most efficient way to find a long term relationship leading to marriage.

Going up to someone in a bar and asking them about their relationship goal is not really appropriate (or, quite frankly, productive). Even if she's been dating someone for a few weeks, Lydda would be wise not to ask about marriage plans. But there are methods that allow her to restrict the people she meets to a certain relationship goal and exchange relationship goal information with dates prior to meeting. This will allow her to skip over anyone who is incompatible with her goals before they get involved.

Personal Ad

One of the things she can do is take out a personal ad. Rather than answering other's ads, it is best for her to take out her own. Look at the ads published by others to get an idea about what works. She should also check out several publications or online sites so that she ensures that the kind of person she's looking for is also the kind of person who is advertising.

The first thing she should do is set up a special email address, phone number, or P.O. Boxes to receive responses. That way, she won't mind dumping the account if someone she does not like begins to bother her.

In her ad, she should describe her personality, describe a couple favorite activities, and state her relationship goal. She might also briefly describe the man she is looking for, depending on space limits. Her ad needs to stand out from the crowd. You can use humor or poignancy to achieve this.

We Are Getting Back Together


She should get a single, platonic guy pal to look at the ad and make suggestions so that she can see how a man responds to it.

When Lydda gets a response, she should chat on the phone or online for a while. She needs to get a sense of the guy before she meets him in person. She should refrain from giving any identifying data including last name, address, or work place right away. Once she gives a guy this information, she can't take it back.

If she does want to give him a phone number at some point, she might consider buying a prepaid cell phone just for this purpose. That way, if he becomes a pest – or worse – she can just dump the phone.

Once Lydda has found someone she wants to go out with, she should always meet for the first time in a public place during the day. She should plan to keep the first meeting short (coffee is a good idea) and she should drive herself to and from the date. She should tell a friend where she'll be and giver her the date's name, address and phone number.

Personal ads are more accepted now than they once were. They're inexpensive and work well for people with more time than money. In fact, Craigslist offers a whole section on personals for free.

If Lydda places the ad herself, she is going to have to do all of the sorting and screening of responders herself which can be time consuming. If she decides to be a responder instead, she is going to write many replies that never get an answer back.

Article 5 in this series of articles on "Finding Someone Special To Spend Your Life With"  will focus on other methods of how to do Laser Targeted Dating. I highly recommend this top notch site for more professional relation advices.

tisdag 9 juli 2013

We Are Getting Back Together:Article 3 Finding Someone Special To Spend Your Life With

Method 2 - Efficient Dating

Cynthia really wants to settle down again. She feels lost without being part of a couple. But the smart thing for her to do right now is to date around and get a feel for adult dating. Here are some ways she can meet some eligible men without having to commit to marriage again right away.

One of the best things she could do is ask friends and family to hook her up with eligible men. The people who know her and care about her are going to look after her interests when they make an introduction.

While a “blind date” can be a scary thought, it's actually safer than meeting people in most other ways. There's always a human connection so the odds of her date being a mad rapist is extremely low.

Cynthia should thank the friend who set the date up no matter what the outcome is. That will keep whatever supply there is flowing. She should remember though that her friends have a limited supply of friends! At some point she's going to run out of date referrals and need to move on to other methods.

In many communities, there are a good number of singles-specific events. These include dances, parties, dinners, progressive dinners, volleyball games, softball leagues, and outdoor activities. The good thing about singles-specific events is that you know everyone there is single and are looking, if only casually, for a date.

Larger cities tend to have more formal arrangements for single's dating. But you can still find opportunities to mix and mingle in cities and towns of all sizes.

We Are Getting Back Together


Many of these single's specific activities are orchestrated by professional companies that do nothing but event planning for the single set. There are a number of targeted dating services as well. If you want to date someone within your own religion, date other people who have children, or meet someone with specific interests (baseball or science fiction), there's an event out there for you.

The downside to these events is that anyone can come. The groups organizing the events don't conduct background checks and sometimes married people come to scope out the market. Smaller more personal events tend to attract the more serious daters.

Cynthia should have a genuine interest in the events she attends. Otherwise she could end up meeting a man at a Super Bowl Fanatics party and later end up a football widow. If she goes to a dance and hates dancing, she may meet someone she really likes and then disappoint him by telling him she doesn't want to go dancing ever again.

A new phenomenon in Singles Specific events is Speed Dating. These events generally cost $20 to $50 and range in size from 7 people of each gender to 50 people of each gender. The sponsors try to have the same number of people from both genders.

In a typical scenario, there will be 10 men and 10 women. The women will sit at tables while the men will rotate through all 10 tables. They will have 7 minute “dates” where they can find out whether there is any interest. At the end of the evening, they fill out a card stating who they would like to see again. Where there is a “match” - that is both parties have indicated interest – the contact information will be forwarded to both parties.

Cynthia will meet several potential dates in one evening and have time to actually talk to each one. Direct questions are permissible and even encouraged. She can ask questions about employment, money, dating objectives and the like. This can save her gobs of time which would have been wasted going out on each of these dates on successive nights.

There's no guarantee that she'll meet anyone she feels attracted to. The more “specialized” the group, the better her chances are. So, she might want to attend a Catholic Speed Dating Night or a “40 Somethings” Speed Dating Night to increase her chances of compatibility.

Another thing Cynthia should consider is to log on to an internet chat room. When she's feeling lonely, she can go online and chat with someone who is also looking for some online companionship.

She should be aware that she can't always trust what people say about themselves online. If she's intending to meet the person in the “real” world, she should make sure that it is at a very public place and that she has her own means of transportation.
Ps.  A Phenomenal Innovation In Relation Support and Love Advice! Click Here!

måndag 8 juli 2013

We Are Getting Back Together:Article 2 Finding Someone Special To Spend Your Life With

Casual Dating

Jerome, in our example from the introduction, is looking for something to do, but is not looking to get married in the near future. While it is possible he'll meet his soul mate this summer, the likelihood is that he'll go away in the fall and forget about the girls he went out with. Instead, he's looking for friends and dating around.

There are lots of ways for him to meet other teen agers. He can go to fairs, festivals, ethnic celebrations, harvestfests, Octoberfests (okay, I know I said it was summer, but you get the idea), concerts, sing-alongs, sporting events, flea markets, stamp shows, Civil War reenactments, zoos, and amusement parks. Basically, if he indulges his special interests, he'll meet others who share the interests.

These events will allow him to see his community and regional area while making friends who share his interest.

The crowds tend to be mixed in age and marital status so it can be difficult to differentiate who is attached from those unattached. Large crowds tend to include people who have brought dates or friends, so it can be hard to break into a closed circle. The shear volume of people and noise level can also make meeting people more difficult.

Jerome's best bet is to bring a buddy to these events so that he has a better chance of running into people who are there doing the same thing. He'll probably meet more people if he goes with a friend than if he goes by himself.

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If Jerome doesn't know any activities that are going on beyond the world of his high school, he can contact his local chamber of commerce, read the calendar or weekend editions of local newspapers, and check bulletin boards and online sites for special event schedules.

Another place for Jerome to look is at church events. That doesn't mean he has to go to the 9 a.m. Sunday service either. Most churches hold activities open to the public including mainstays such as potluck dinners and carnivals but also including special events or dances for singles of all religions.

People at church events tend to be positive, warm hearted and emotionally supportive.

Jerome might look around for a "just for fun" class. He'll be taking a full academic load majoring in Engineering in the fall, so now is the time to do something fun like taking a cooking class or joining a hiking group.

These kinds of things can expand his mind, help him get in shape, and make him a more interesting person.

To find these kind of classes, look at universities and colleges, community centers, park districts, YMCAs, museums, churches, and all kinds of clubs.

Article 3 in this series of articles on Finding Someone Special To Spend Your Life With will focus on Method 2 - Efficient Dating .
Ps. Read how 50,119 people found love again!

söndag 7 juli 2013

We Are Getting Back Together:Finding Someone Special To Share Your Life With

Introduction

There was a time when everyone lived in a small villages and you were likely to know your future mate from birth. That limited people's choices, but it also made dating and getting married easy. In the 21st Century, you can scour the entire world to find your soul mate.

But the wide amount of choice isn't necessarily a good thing. Sometimes the overwhelming choice limits you from making any choice.

So, the trick is to determine the best ways to find the one person who is right for you in the sea of potential mates.

What Kind of Relationship Are You Looking For?

There are many ways to meet other singles. Your method will best be determined based on your relationship goal and how soon you want to reach it.

For instance, are you looking for some short term fun with no strings attached or are you ready for a long term commitment?

We Are Getting Back Together


Consider these three scenarios:

Jerome is an 18 year old who has just graduated from high school. He's working at a pizza shop to make some money before he goes away to college in the fall. There's no pressure on him to form a long term relationship – in fact, having a girlfriend back home could stunt his social prospects in college. So, right now he can go out on fun dates in a casual manner.

Cynthia is 42 and recently divorced. She started dating her ex in high school and has very few “dating” skills. While she craves being in a relationship again, she really needs time as a single person again so she can date around and figure out just what kind of person matches her needs at this point in her life.

Lydda is a 28 year old third grade teacher.. She's had her fun and now is emotionally and financially ready to settle down and have a family. She is going to need a targeted method to find a spouse who can help her raise the children she hopes to have.

We're going to talk about three “efficiency levels” of dating which describe the type of person who use each method, the method itself, and who shouldn't use the method.

Method 1 is Casual Dating.

Casual Dating is for people who are not ready to marry soon. They may just be looking for friends or having casual fun. Young people, college students, people who have recently relocated, and those who are recently divorced or widowed fall into this category.

The best places to meet people in the Casual Dating sectors include community and church activities, events, classes, clubs, gyms, volunteering, and anywhere you hang out.

Casual Dating is not for people who are psychologically mature enough to marry and want a long term relationship or marriage in the next few years.

Article 2 in this series will focus on how Casual Dating can work. Meanwhile i highly recommend this top
notch resource regarding relationship quizzes! The Magic Of Making Up.

lördag 6 juli 2013

We Are Getting Back Together:Article 6 in The Nuts and Bolts of Good Communication

Learning to Compromise

To find a satisfactory outcome when you disagree with your partner, generally you have to compromise. That means you get a little and you give a little. Ideally, both sides feel that they've “won”. A relationship succeeds only when both parties feel they have their needs met.


Here are some ways to compromise:


Split the Difference – meet each other half way. When discussing vacation plans and one person wants to go on a cruise and the other wants to go to Hawaii, consider a Hawaiian cruise.


Alternate your choices – if a Hawaiian cruise is out of the question (these are more expensive than Caribbean cruises or typical Hawaiian vacations), consider alternating doing one this year and one the next.


Alternate Concessions – If your partner feels strongly about one thing and you don't, agree to it on the basis that he or she will concede something you want.


Satisfy the Objections – when there are all or none choices (ie. Whether to have kids), discuss the objections each of you have. For instance, if a person is concerned about the financial burden of having a child, discuss ways to increase the household's income.


Pick Your Battles


You have only so many years on earth and you have only so much emotional energy. You simply can't fight over every single issue. So, pick your battles and limit your fights to the issues that really matter.


If you have multiple and complex issues with your partner, you are going to have to prioritize what issues are most important to you. Some psychologists recommend that you make a list of all of your grievances and then pick out the top three. Resolve to only confront those issues until you reach a satisfactory accord with your partner. Only then will you bring up anything else on the list.



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There is an old saying that you can “win the battle but lose the war.” Remember that you can win one concession after another and then have your partner walk out because there is simply nothing left in the relationship for him or her.


Another thing is that the more you fight with your partner and the more issues you deal with at any given time, the more likely it is that you will simply run out of the emotional energy needed to sustain the relationship. So, when dealing with grievances, pick your battles.


Choose the Right Time and Place for Confrontations


There are good times and bad times for everything. Taking your wife to a fancy French dinner and talking to her about tightening the belt – either for family finances or her own waistline – is a bad idea!


Productive conversations take place when you are not:


Overheard

Distracted
Disturbed
Interrupted

You should be able to focus on the issue at hand. It should be in a physical location where you can maintain eye contact. It should be in a place where both of you can feel physically and emotionally comfortable. Finally, you should plan the encounter so that you will have enough time to have a lengthy conversation and resolve the matter.


Conclusion


Relationships take work. The longer you are with your partner, the more issues you will have come up. As you grow and change personally, new issues will arise. As you move through the various stages of life – dating, marriage, children, growing old – you will face new challenges. All of these things require that you learn communications strategies that work.


The good news is that once you learn to communicate well, you can face these challenges effectively. While the birth of a child brings on new kinds of stress, the lessons you learned communicating when you were first married and learning to live with each other will come into play.


Keep in mind that the ultimate goal is not to “win.” When you love someone, the ultimate goal is to move the relationship into an ever more loving plane. You do this through implementing the various strategies mentioned in this report.


Now go communicate in a loving way! But first watch this Video!

fredag 5 juli 2013

We Are Getting Back Together:Article 4 on Nuts and Bolts of Good Communication

This article is a continuation of the series of articles on "The Nuts and Bolts of Good Communication" and picks up with:

Communicating Your Needs

You need to be able to share your needs in a calm, rational way. But, you also need to show respect for your partner. In a relationship, the partners are equal. As a result, you have the right – and the responsibility – to express your needs and desires.

Assertiveness has three components – what you say, how you say it, and your behavior when you say it. Your partner may not break down the components and analyze them, but they will sense the total package.

The content of your message is quite important. That includes the words you choose and the order in which you deliver them. There are two different ways to express assertiveness.

The first is to express a feeling. These statements start with “I feel...” The second is to express a request. One way to phrase this is “I would appreciate it if you would...”

Avoid statements that could be taken of acts of aggression rather than assertiveness. Instead of saying “You make me so mad,” say “I feel angry when you do that.”

Also, avoid telling other people what they feel or think. You are not a mind reader. This will either spiral the argument out of control or make your partner shut down.

Don't pretend to ask a question when you are really making a statement. If you want to go to a restaurant, don't say, “do you think we should go to the cafe tonight?” Instead, state what you want. Say, “I would like to go to the cafe. How do you feel about that?”

Don't call your partner names. Telling him or her that they are dumb, stupid, or idiotic is not going to open up lines of communication. Calling them names like “bimbo” or “bastard” are not effective communication tools.

Similarly, avoid power words like never and always. Things are not black and white. Don't make them out to be.

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The next part of assertiveness is how you deliver the words. The key elements to delivery include timing, volume, speed, pitch, and tone of voice.

Timing involves when you say what you say. For instance, if you cut your partner off mid-sentence, he or she is likely to feel that you are not respectful of what they are saying. This can lead to a situation where both of you are cutting each other off and speaking over the other.

Communication is a two way street. You need to listen to the other person before you speak. Each person should get a turn.

Volume is another aspect to respectful communication. You should try to keep all discussions – especially heated ones – at a conversational level. If you begin to get louder, take a deep breath and remodulate your voice.

The next component in communication is the speed at which you talk. When you get agitated, you will tend to talk faster. Whether consciously or unconsciously, your partner will pick up on this and respond to your agitation. Speed often goes hand in hand with volume. Together, they can ratchet up the intensity of the discussion or fight. So, when you catch yourself talking a mile a minute, catch yourself and slow down.

Some people have distinct pitches to their voice when they get emotional. Usually, their voice becomes higher in pitch. People associate high pitch with stress and lower pitch with calm. When you are arguing, try taking your pitch down a notch and see whether that doesn't calm the situation down.

Finally, the tone of voice you use conveys your mood through inflection. Think about the sentence “what did you do?” Ask that in a number of scenarios and see how your tone changes:

When your spouse has just emptied out the bank account and gambled your rent money away.
When your spouse has brought you flowers as a suprise for no reason at all
When your spouse was out for the evening on a “girls night out” or a poker party and you approved of         it.
When your spouse was away for 12 hours without letting you know where he was.

The tone of your voice can sometimes convey more than the words you speak.

Tomorrow's article will continue on the series of articles on "The Nuts And Bolts Of Good Communication".

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onsdag 3 juli 2013

We Are Getting Back Together Again:Article 3 The Nuts And Bolts Of Good Communication

Today's article continues the series of articles on "The Nuts and Bolts of Good Communication and picks up wtih:

Facilitative Agreement

With Facilitative Agreement, you state the parts of the argument that your partner has made that you can agree with before stating your own opinion.

Here's an example:

Jennifer and Tom are a couple who have a 3 year old named Jeffrey. Their budget is tight, but they are setting aside a small sum in a savings account for Jeffery's college education.

One day Jennifer comes to Tom and says that she wants to put Jeffrey in pre school three days a week.

Tom might say “I agree with you that giving Jeffrey a good start on his education is important. I also know that you are working very hard to be a good mother and take care of the house.”

Jennifer has expected a fight. Now, though, Tom has addressed her core concerns. At this point, he can make his argument.

“The only place in our budget for pre school would come out of Jeffery's college fund. Don't you think he will get more value out of college later than he would from pre school today?”

When you use facilitative reasoning, you tell your partner that you think he or she is a good person. You make a good faith effort to understand their point of view. It also shows them that you are open to a friendly, respectful discussion of the issue at hand.

Where they are expecting combat, they get conversation.

Supportive Statements

Supportive Statements are direct conveyances of empathy. Some examples:

“I feel so sad for you.”
“I'm so sorry about your loss”
“I'm happy this has happened for you.”

Supportive statements are best used at the end of a conversation that has included reflective listening and facilitative agreements. Otherwise, your partner may feel that you are blowing him or her off. This also allows your partner to blow off steam and get the emotions out of his or her system.

Positive Reinforcement

Think about how you get a small child to behave in accordance with your wishes. You may tell your son that if he is quiet during the grocery shopping he can ride the mechanical horse afterwards. You do the same with pets. You teach a dog to fetch by offering a treat when he brings the ball back.

Positive reinforcement works in adult relationships as well. They can be verbal or non-verbal. Verbal examples include words like “Great!” “Way to Go” and even “I love you.” Non-verbal reinforcement can include smiles, touching, hugs and kisses.

When you are pleased with the way your partner has acted, be sure to let him or her know with positive reinforcement. As he or she does more of the desired act, the amount of reinforcement should be increased as well.

We Are Getting Back Together


So, when your husband cleans out the garage, he will expect that you will be appreciative. When your wife goes out of her way to look nice, she'll expect you to notice and comment on it.

Your relationship should be full of examples of positive reinforcement. Whenever your partner does something that you would like more of, find a way to reinforce it.

If you have asked your partner to make a change in his behavior, notice every time he succeeds. He has a choice. Make it easy and desirable for him to choose the action you desire.

Let's say you want your husband to take out the trash after dinner every day. One day he does it without you saying anything. Afterwards, you should say “Thanks for taking out the trash. I really appreciate it.” Do Not Say: “Well, you finally remembered to take out the trash on your own for once.” That doesn't reinforce the behavior you desire.

Tomorrows article will continue the series of articles on "The Nuts and Bolts of Good Communication".

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tisdag 2 juli 2013

Article 2 In the Series of "The Nuts and Bolts Of Good Communication"

There are times when you are not clear about what your partner wants. In these cases, you can not reflect back on what he or she has said. But, you can still use reflective listening techniques.

There are four main sentence structures for when you don't know what your partner is saying.

The first one is “Are you saying that...” This makes it clear that you don't understand and you need clarification. Make sure this is done with the right tone. If it comes across as accusatory, your partner may shut down rather than give you the information you need.

The next one is “Do you mean that...” This is very similar but instead of looking at what the person is saying, you are digging deeper into their actual aims.

We Are Getting Back Together


Then, you can dig deeper into your partner's words by repeating back the last few words he or she spoke to you. For instance, if your partner says “I feel angry when you do not clean up the mess you made,” you can say “When I don't clean up the mess I made?” By phrasing it as a question, you elicit further communication.

Finally, you can use the first three sentence structures in combination. Here's an example: “I understand that you are feeling ___. But are you also saying ___? So, you might say “I understand that you are feeling overwhelmed. But are you also feeling under appreciated?

Here's the point: when you use reflective listening, your partner feels that he or she has been heard, that their message has been understood, and that you value them. They will realize that you are showing them respect and that you are making a good faith effort in the relationship. Generally, they will leave the conversation feeling positive both toward you and toward the conversation itself. This is true even if you disagree about the issue.

The conversation moves forward as well. Your partner is encouraged to continue the dialogue because you haven't challenged them on core principles.

Finally, you have avoided power struggles. These are the unproductive shouting matches that make both sides feel that they have to stake out their positions and are loathe to move because that would be “giving in.” Power struggles are often marked by shouting matches. The parties use unproductive aggressive words and phrases such as “Yes I did” and “No I didn't.” The power struggle quickly becomes about who was right and who was wrong rather than focusing on a solution to a problem. The goal becomes to win the argument not to come to a resolution on the issue.

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måndag 1 juli 2013

5th Article In The Series Of Articles on "Sparks Of Love"

It's Important To Find a Partner in the Traditional Way

The traditional way to find a partner is to meet at a single's bar, go on blind dates, or meet someone at a place where you have a common interest like church or a social club.

While many people have had success these ways, non-traditional dating can, in some ways, be even more successful for you.

For instance, how serious are the people at a single's bar going to be about a long term relationship? They tend to be in it for a one night stand. You can go on endless blind dates before you find someone who even rates a second date. And, there may not be enough people involved in the activities you hold dear to date.

But fortunately, the 21st century has brought about large changes in the way people date.

The biggest change, of course, is the rise of internet dating. Now you can meet hundreds of singles in your area safely in your own home. You can exchange emails and photos to see whether there is any interest before you spend the time and money on a date. You can also get to know someone on a personal level before physical attraction becomes the primary issue.

Don't be ashamed to go about meeting people in a non-traditional way. It is the 21st Century After all!

We Are Getting Back Together


I Shouldn't Have to "Settle"

The idea that "I deserve the Best" means that you are never going to find a partner. Nobody is perfect. It doesn't mean that you are "settling" to accept that someone you love has flaws.

This kind of thinking also tends to come from people who have inflated egos. They have a unsubstantiated sense of self worth and don't want anyone who is not as "good" as they are.

Don't look at people as having to be "better" or "worse" than you. Look at them as individuals with potential.

If you are thinking you shouldn't have to "settle" you probably have an ideal partner in mind. Guess what? That person doesn't exist!

If you have this mentality, it's time for a reality check. Personal therapy wouldn't hurt either.

I Want One Person to Have Everything

This is a similar (yet less severe) form of thinking you shouldn't have to settle. You have created an ideal man or woman who can meet all of your needs.

But the truth is that you are a complex person. You may need someone to play poker with, someone to pray with, someone to raise kids with, and someone to have sex with. Three out of four ain't bad.

Your partner is a mere mortal. They have limits. They also have other interests.

Fill your life with a variety of people not just a boyfriend / girlfriend or spouse. You should have friends and family who you can do the things with that don't interest your partner.

Keep in mind that there are some needs that only a partner can help you meet. For your other needs, if your partner meets them that's great, but you can "outsource" them to other people!

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söndag 30 juni 2013

4th Article In The Series On "Sparks Of Love"

This article is the 4th article in the series of articles on "Sparks of Love"

Physical Attractiveness

You look at your mate much more than you look at yourself. For that reason, you need to be fairly satisfied with the physical attractiveness of the person you are with. Dissatisfaction will undermine the entire relationship.

This is not to say that you have to date a model or a jock in order to be happy with your partner. But, you probably don't want to be physically revolted by them either.

You should know that people tend to find someone more attractive once they have fallen in love. So, you shouldn't put off a first date just because the person doesn't fit the ideal that you have imagined.

Sex

Sex helps you stay emotionally bonded with your partner. Usually, your partner is the person you most want to be emotionally intimate with and sex facilitates that process.

There are a number of factors which help to determine how satisfied you are in your sex life. These include being attracted to your partner, having an emotional bond, and resolving problems that occur outside of the bedroom.

But there is also the matter of how much skill and inhibition you have in the bedroom. Remember, while practice may not make perfect, it does make for a lot of fun.

We Are Getting Back Together



Investment in the Relationship

In many relationship, a woman is madly in love with a man and the man is only casually interested in the woman. This also happens the other way of course. If the partners have different investments in the relationship, it is doomed to failure.

Think about what you are putting into the relationship and what you are getting out of it. If the two don't balance, think about whether the investment is unequal. If it is, consider whether this is going to work out long term.

Power

What is the power balance in your relationship? Some conservative cultures give all of the power – including the sole right to divorce – to the man. In some relationships, one person has more power due to a stronger financial position. Other times, one partner just has a personality that overwhelms the other.

In the beginning stages of a relationship, power balances are quite fragile. But if a relationship is going to work, these issues need to even out over time.

Financial Attitudes

Are you a spender or a saver? Can you get along with someone with a different financial attitude than you have? One recent study showed that spenders tend to marry savers in order to moderate their behavior and savers marry spenders to liberate theirs. But, if your outlooks on finance are too different, there could be serious conflict within the relationship.

Remember that money is one of the most common – and crippling – problems in relationships. So, get a clear idea on how your partner feels about finance before you marry and then work out your money issues as you go along.

What Doesn't Matter

Just as there are things that really matter in relationships, there are also things that don't matter. These are common misconceptions and myths about what makes a relationship succeed.

Tomorrows article will be the 5th article in the series of articles on "Spark of Love".

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lördag 29 juni 2013

3rd Article in the Series On Sparks of Love

Sparks of love must continue in a relationship and one way to do that is to be sharing the same goals as your partner.

Shared Goals

There may be instant attraction across a crowded room, but a relationship can not exist on initial sizzle alone. Along the way, you have to develop some shared goals.

Both partners need to feel good about where they – and their relationship – is going.

For instance, if one person wants a long term commitment that leads to marriage and the other is looking for a casual arrangement, the relationship is not likely to last.

Similarly, if one partner wants children and the other is allergic to kids, there may be a serious fracture in the marriage.

In order for a relationship to work, there are many compromises that have to be made. But, there are some things for which there are no compromises available. For these kinds of goals, you must be in tandem if you want your relationship to go forward.




Timing

It may be that the person you marry is the person you are dating at the time in your life that you are ready to get married. Timing plays an important role in a successful relationship.

You may meet a really great guy or gal when you are 19 and things go along just great. But, at 19, you are focused on school and starting a career and aren't ready to settle down. By the time you are ready, you've moved to different cities and the bond has been broken.

Similarly, you may meet someone right after you have gone through a divorce. But, you are not in an emotional place to let someone new into your life. So, that will be a fish that got away.

Timing is an important component in the kind of men or women you develop strong relationships with.

Communication

You don't have to agree on everything to make your relationship work. But, you do have to have a way to discuss things and resolve differences. If you can handle this in a reasonable way, you can be happy despite your differences.

Consider developing strong relationship communication skills. For instance, employ the tactic of reflective listening. This means that you repeat back what the other person has said and ask if your interpretation is correct. You can also employ empathetic communication where you acknowledge the other person's point of view and then state your own.

Keep tabs on your tone of voice, the volume, and the speed at which you talk. Think about what messages your face is conveying (ie. Rolled eyes, frowning). Consider moderating your gestures and making them more inclusive. Think about what your body positioning is – are you leaning forward and engaging in the conversation or leaning back and disengaging?

Your communication with your partner doesn't mean total agreement, but it means finding a way to live with each other's opinions.

Fun

Life is not meant to be spent balancing the checkbook and disciplining the kids. Life is to be enjoyed. You should have fun with your partner.

If love is going to be developed, you must genuinely enjoy spending time with the other person.

Try to keep fun in the relationship even in the most stressful times. When you have the money to be extravagant from time to time, indulge the relationship. And, even when money is tight, you can find ways to have fun on the cheap or even free. Window shopping, after all, doesn't cost a dime.
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tisdag 25 juni 2013

We Are Getting Back Together:2nd Article On Sparks Of Love Series

This is the 2nd article in the series of articles on the "Sparks of Love".
As you will remember yesterday's article left off with the discussion on loyalty to your partner. The most important part is likely being monogamous in the relationship.

Monogamy

Monogamy boils down to sexual loyalty. If you are in an exclusive relationship, you have sex only with that person. And, you don't quibble about what sex consists of. Your affections are totally reserved for the person you love. Being sexually exclusive helps your relationship grow emotionally.

Maturity

Two seventh grade students who are “going steady” don't have much maturity – and their “relationships” tend to fall apart in a matter of weeks (or even days) as any middle school teacher will tell you.

But, in an adult relationship, both parties need to have a significant level of maturity to make the thing last. When you have proper emotional development, you are able to see the “big picture” and not sweat the small stuff. You won't just consider your own point of view, you will be able to see the world through your partner's eyes.

When you are mature, you treat the other person well. It's the right thing to do and you know your relationship will benefit as a result. You know that you won't get everything you want and you are prepared to compromise.

When you are mature, you are ready to give as well as receive whereas immature people focus only on their own needs.

Psychological Health

The healthier you are personally, the better the chances are that a relationship can work. This means you are emotionally stable, responsible and independent. You should also have reasonably developed social skills.

A person must be in touch with reality in order to have reasonable expectations for the relationship. You should be free from addictions and not engage in self defeating behaviors.

When people in a relationship suffer from poor psychological health, the relationship will falter. Most relationships cannot survive when one person is significantly healthier than the other.

If you feel you are in poor psychological or emotional health, it may be best to seek personal therapy before engaging in a meaningful relationship in order to have the best chance at success in romance.


Morality

One of the most important aspects to your sense of self is your morality. What things do you consider must be done in order to live a moral life? What things must be avoided. Are social justice, equality, and eco-awareness central to your morality or are your values centered around family values and traditional economics? These things can make a big difference in your relationship.

That is not to say that you have to agree on everything in the political sphere. But, it is necessary that you agree on what is right and what is wrong.

Many times a person's morality is tied in with his or her religious beliefs. So, if you are a highly religious person and you are dating someone who disdains religion, you probably don't have enough shared morality to move forward.

There are some lines that must not be crossed. What are they for you? If your partner does not share these boundaries, you will have endless fights.

Having a shared moral code is one of the most important aspects to your successful relationship.

Tomorrows article will pick up on having shared goals in the relationship.

Ps. Here is how to survive a tough situation in your relation ==>>>

We Are Getting Back Together:Sparks of Love Now and Forever

Introduction

This series of articles is about the spark of love. What makes a couple compatible? And is it the things we always imagined?

There are many myths about what matters and what doesn't. There are also things that you might have overlooked as the first blush of attraction crept your way.

There was something that sparked your interest and got you to your first date. Something on that date brought you back for a second.

Now you are in a relationship – you are either serious with a boyfriend or girlfriend or you are married. Now, it is time to analyze your compatibility. But this is no easy checklist. It's a combination of shared values, experiences, and interests.

But relationships are too important to not analyze. That is why we're going to look at 16 things that matter in a relationship and 7 things that don't.

What Matters?

Honesty

Love is more than a mutual sexual attraction, it is a strong emotional bond. Honesty is the glue in that bond.

To become emotionally intimate, you have to share secrets and experiences with your partner that are exclusive to you. This intense, intimate, private exchange requires honesty on the part of both parties. This means that you have to give accurate information about the present as well as the past.

You should know that being honest doesn't mean being rude. If she asks you “does this dress make me look fat?” The answer is always "NO!" You don't have to share things just to hurt your partner. Refrain from spilling your guts in a way that damages the relationship.

Remember, your partner will instinctively trust you because they have put their romantic life in your hands. But, if you violate that trust by lying, he or she may have trouble ever trusting you again.




Trust

Speaking of trust, there is no way you can know what the other person is doing 24/7. That is why you need to trust that they are not doing anything hurtful to you.

That means that you have to trust that they are not being inappropriate with another person, spending community money unwisely, or abusing alcohol, drugs, etc.

Like honesty, once trust is broken, it is hard to get back. Often, the damage done by someone who is untrustworthy can lead to a break up. If the trust violation has been serious, consider couple's counseling if you don't want a split.

Loyalty

If your partner is not for you than who is? You need your significant other to be in your corner 100 percent of the time. That doesn't mean that he or she won't ever criticize you. But it does mean that any critique will be constructive and in your best interest.

Loyalty also means being there for the other person in thick and thin. You should be able to count on your partner when the chips are down.

Finally, loyalty means that your partner is not cheating on you emotionally or sexually with another person.

Tomorrow's article will continue with this series of articles on the sparks of love.

Ps. Meanwhile you can continue watching this Free Video explaining the nuts and bolts in relationships!

måndag 24 juni 2013

We Are Getting Back Together: How To Save A Relationship

Keeping the love alive in a relationship takes work.  While the initial sparks may fly with no effort, over the long haul, it takes creativity and initiative to make things work.

Step outside of your comfort zone.  Don't do things because they're routine or expected.

Whether you're sending her flowers for no reason or giving him a massage, you send the message that you care.  You tell the person that you're not waiting for the perfect "moment" to come along – you live (and love) in the present tense.



We met Max and Mindy at the beginning of this series of articles.  You'll remember that Mindy was feeling restless.  Max knew that in order to keep her, he needed to step it up.

He started by planning a weekend escape doing all of the things she enjoyed (including antique shopping which he could have done without).  The next week, he wrote her a love letter.

Mindy’s interest was sparked.  She, in turn, wanted to start doing things for Max.  She suggested going to a new French restaurant rather than grabbing a pizza one weekend.  For his birthday, she gave him two tickets to the WWF – and said she'd go along with him and didn't even make a funny face when she told him.

As they began to be more creative in their relationship, it spurred the other one to reciprocate.  They stopped feeling like they were in a rut.  Instead of being in a "go no where" relationship, all of a sudden, the spark was lit.  Things began to get exciting and they started to talk about the future.

If you love someone but feel like your relationship is stuck, un-stick it.  You have the power to shake things up by thinking outside of the box.

I've given you a number of suggestions in this series of articles for how to do that.  But you should think about your particular situation and the person you love.  What would make him or her happy?  How can you do the unexpected to get a response that will move your relationship forward?

I guarantee you that if you go out on a limb, something will change in your relationship.

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lördag 22 juni 2013

We Are Getting Back Together:Think Mystery Date To Keep Your Love Alive

Plan a Mystery Date

Some couples do the same things for every date.  Others depend on the old "so what do you want to do?" routine.

Instead, take charge and plan a mystery date.  Take the time and care to prepare a special date.  Your partner should not be responsible for anything other than showing up.  You should pick the place, choose the activity, buy the tickets, and arrange for the dinner.

Settle on the time and dress ahead of time.  Don't whisk your love off to Paris for a romantic weekend when he or she has a major presentation at work on Monday.  You are only setting yourself up for hurt at your partner’s response if you don't take their schedule into consideration.

But, once you have agreed on the day, let yourself get creative.  Pretend you are planning the world’s most spectacular experience specifically to delight the head and heart of the person you love.

You can be lavish or low key.  It can be close by or far away.

Keep in mind that you are planning something your partner will enjoy, not indulging in your own fantasies.  Focus on making the date, with all of its trimmings, a delight to your love.

Keep in mind that a date doesn't need to be expensive, just imaginative.  A picnic can work as well as a week in Paris.  A home cooked meal can be as romantic as a 5 star restaurant.  This is about your heart, not your wallet.

Taking responsibility to do something that you know the other person will be pleased by can be very romantic.

We Are Getting Back Together


Go Someplace New

If a tourist were to come to your town, what are the things he or she would most likely do?

Too often we take our own environs for granted and fall into a routine for our dates.  But you don't have to repeat the same activities for every evening out.

Too many people drop into their favorite neighborhood restaurant, have a Saturday night movie date, or just hang with their friends.  You can spice up your relationship and show your partner that you care about them by doing something new.

When you put some effort into new and different activities, you demonstrate that your partner is worth putting yourself out for.

Consider checking out the weekend section of your daily newspaper or the events section of a weekly alternative paper for great ideas.

Here's a list of places you can visit together:

Aquariums
Zoos
Amusement Parks
Water Parks
Beaches
Museums
Sculpture Gardens
Botanical Gardens
Churches
Rowboats
Mountains
The Desert
Paris
Redwood Forest
New York at Christmas
Carriage Rides
Fireplaces
Country Lanes

Keeping your love fresh by creating a mystery date isn't difficult or expensive, unless you make it so. Just remember you are doing this for your significant other and not yourself.

Ps.Always do everything from your heart and you will make up instead of break up in your relationship!

fredag 21 juni 2013

We Are Getting Back Together: How To Surprise Your Partner

Clean Your Love's Place

Leslie was very organized by nature.  Rick was not.  Rick's work shed was an absolute mess and he complained that he could never find anything.

The work shed was someplace that Leslie didn't frequent.  She didn't care whether he kept it clean or not.  But, she knew that he would love to have it organized.

So, as a birthday gift, she gave him a note saying she would clean it for him.

Many times men express their love for their partner by "doing things."  Women should do the same.

Doing something concrete for the person you love can be one of the most romantic things you can do.  When she comes in and cleans his place or he goes and cleans out her rain gutters, partners are making a time commitment into the relationship.



The idea of someone we love doing something we loathe is just really cool.  Besides, cleaning someone else's place isn't as bad as working on your own place.

Don't send the message that "you’re a slob" though.  You might want to clean one room, for instance.  Do it in a spirit of love and not "I'm sick of this clutter."

Don"t think about throwing anything away – especially things that he or she loves.  Remember, it’s not about changing his or her behavior but about showing how much you care.  It"s okay to polish the chrome in the bathroom, but throwing things out is not okay.

It's not fair to peak into drawers and invade someone's private life when you are doing them a favor and cleaning.

Also, unless you have a key and free reign of the place, giving a "gift certificate" good for doing the laundry, cleaning the oven, mowing the lawn or waxing the car may be a better idea than breaking and entering.

Do Something He or She Likes

No two people are exactly alike.  In the early days of a relationship, you"re probably willing to do just about anything to spend time with your partner.  But, as the relationship develops, you start to want to spend time doing "your" things or doing things together that you can both enjoy.

That's why it is such a treat when you say you'll do something that your partner likes exclusively.  Give her tickets to the ballet (and the promise that you'll go without complaining.  Give him tickets to Professional Wrestling and avoid making comments that it's all made up.

And, you don't have to actually give the tickets.  Give a "gift certificate" for "one event of your chose with no complaints and no strings attached."

Your willingness to do something you hate because the person you love loves it, is one of the true signs of love.

Another idea is to give a gift certificate for a "night out with the girls or boys" without recrimination or recompense (and of course, without whining).  This tells your partner that you care about them and really want to make them happy.  Even though you do lots of things together, you don't have to do everything together.
Ps. This is the perfect gift to yourself to maintain a loving relationship ==>>>

tisdag 18 juni 2013

Intimacy To Keep Your Love Alive and Well

Give Him or Her a Massage

Not every kind of being physical; involves sex.  For instance, holding hands is a sweet way to connect that doesn't imply anything more than it is.  Dancing is another way to connect physically without sex.

Similarly, giving your partner a massage can be sensual and sexy without involving sex.

The goal is to celebrate sensual intimacy independent of sexuality.  A massage doesn't have to be a seduction.  The goal is good feelings that aren't genitally centered.  You want to feel warm, happy and contented – not sexual.

Don’t treat a massage as a quid pro quo.  It's a gift.  Maybe later your partner will want to give you a gift of massage.  But right now it is something you are giving him or her.

We Are Getting Back Together


You'll want to get some good massage oil for the massage.  Then find a flat surface in a comfortably warm room.  A bed will work, but you don't want to ruin expensive sheets and towels.  Find some soothing music and soft lighting.

You can choose to give a full body massage or a less intimate one.  If you are giving a full body massage, remember to include the hands and feet.  It’s a good idea to exclude genitalia when giving the gift of a massage and always offer the option of underwear kept on.

If you aren't at a sexual stage of a relationship, you can offer a hand and foot massage as an alternative to a full body massage.

Plan to spend at least an hour on the massage.

If you are unsure about how to give a massage, you can get a good book from the book store, take a class, or practice on a friend first (who will love being your practice object!)

Michelle and Brian decided to take a couple's massage class together.  It was a fun way to get out and meet people.  But it also strengthened their relationship because they developed a practical skill that they could use in their relationship.

Now they love to give – and receive – massages and they feel that they are competent in giving them.  They feel like they save hundreds of dollars a year in masseuse fees and give each other a special gift at the same time.

Shampoo and Bathe Your Love

In many cultures, baths have had ritual status both as a way of purifying but also of relaxing and celebrating.

There is something very loving about washing someone.  The warm water, soap and bubbles take us back to being cared for and pampered and loved.

A long, careful, gentle shampoo is sexy.  Get some scented candles and soft music to go along with it.

While a shower has its own sex appeal, that’s not what were talking about here.

Bathing together when there is a hygiene problem on the part of one partner can be a fun and nifty way of bypassing those less than romantic odor discussions.

You can also make bathing independent of lovemaking.  In fact, it may be even more romantic when it is independent of sex.  Play geisha girl or boy to your loved one.

Ps. Take Care of yourself and your relationship and it may last forever. Need some emergency advice about
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måndag 17 juni 2013

Keeping Your Love Fresh and Alive By Sharing Baby Pictures and Childhood Stories

Share Baby Pictures and Childhood Stories

There's a reason your mom trots out your baby pictures.  You were really cuddly, sweet and innocent back then.  There's something elemental and basic about seeing who you were then.

You may be feeling a little silly about sharing your early stories, but if you show your partner a little about who you were then, he or she will know more about you and who you've become.

This is not a time for sharing the dysfunction and abuse you suffered as a child, if there was any.  Instead, you want to share the charm and nostalgia of your childhood.



If you are comfortable, consider sharing a childhood photo album with your sweetheart with your mom and dad.  They will undoubtedly have some memories to share that you won't think of.  This won’t work for every couple though.  If you feel that your parents or family has a hidden agenda, then stay clear.

Also, this is not the time to bring up the story of every date you went out on in your life.  This is a time for bonding together not growing apart.

However it is perfectly fine to show pictures of your early teens and the early teen boyfriends. As you know these pictures could be a bit gawky and somewhat embarrassing but your true love will see them as another part of you they didn't know until now.

Breaking out the junior high and senior high school year books is another way to keep your love fresh and alive. This may be especially effective if you and your true love are still together all these year later. The memories of your early discovery of each other can really bring forth a lot of laughs and maybe even a few tears as your love grew for each other.

Now a word of caution needs to be offered at this time. Be careful about showing the pictures of you and someone else that may have had a short lived fling in junior and senior high. Especially if your true love still has some lingering resentment over it.
Ps. Sharing is caring and here is how =>>>