The Upside of Arguing

Ask any couple how much they enjoy the moments when they attempt to come to a consensus about an important decision or hash out a disagreement and most will confess nothing about the situation appeals to them. A few might enjoy the debate. Even allowing for the juice provided by confrontation, a far smaller percentage see the true benefits brought about by arguing with one another.

Part of the reason for the reticence to embrace arguing as healthy centers around most people's introduction to the concept. Hearing raised voices and tears implants a bad taste in everyone's mouth. In order to begin a discussion, one needs to reframe the role of arguing. The emotionally charged nature of arguing must be boiled down to a spirited discussion. Once in place, couples can see great benefits within the context of arguing.

All Is Quiet

The concept of arguments being destructive because they are ideas expressed at a high volume never takes into account the slow erosion of a relationship to creeping silence. Silence suffocates openness and trust. Couples lose sight of what is important. Some even stop sharing the simplest preference for fear of triggering a disagreement. Arguments reveal things clearer than even reasonable discussions.

Causes Say More

The topics couples fight about say far more about the state of their relationship than even the way they grapple. Taking care to consider the topics may give insight moving forward to the true state of the relationship. Let's look at some things of which to remain aware.

* Repetitive: Having the same fight over and over means underlying issues are not being resolved.
* Petty: Resorting to minor things might demonstrate a lack trust to go deeper.
* Deflection: Using the fight to bring up satellite topics usually points to someone hiding something.

The Upside of Arguing 

It can be easy, especially in the midst of the argument itself, to focus on the specific topic as the source of the disagreement. Only following the fight can one take a wider view like an emergency room doctor assessing a patient's heart risks after they stop the bleeding.


Rules of Engagement

How a couple fights shows the feelings closest to the heart. A free for all brawl hews closest to a person's true feelings even if they are unable to fully express them. Someone lining up logical points to support a viewpoint gives rise to an underlying respect for their partner. These are stylistic extremes of arguing. Most people lie somewhere in the middle. Keeping few guidelines in mind will allow couples to come out the other side of a disagreement whole.

Maintain Respect: Devolving into name calling or rudeness never values one's partner. In the heat of the moment, one should remember love is the basis of a relationship and not causing the other to feel small.

Stay With It: Couples who care about one another will stay engaged throughout the fight. Mutually agreed upon cool off periods might be instituted to prevent harm from coming to each other. Those times are different than people bailing on the argument.

Take A Breath and Listen: Everyone is hardwired with an imperative to be correct and heard. Anyone letting the drive overwhelm their natural compassion for their partner will find themselves winning a battle, but losing the other's heart.

Arguments always prove tricky given the amount of subtext hidden under every one of them. Taking time to let the issues out, exploring them fully and then coming back together as a unit are all signs of a healthy relationship. Empathy for one's partner needs to guide how each behaves. Otherwise, an argument is only a powder keg and not an opportunity to grow.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

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Seeing What Says He's Leaving

Everyone wants a heads up when a relationship reaches the point where their partner plans to terminate things. The sense of foreboding coupled with the possibility of loss causes everyone to jump at shadows. What would it feel like to have insight beyond the sinking sensation when a partner begins acting different? In general, the signs are there. They need to be spotted early, so the things do not end in a swirl of frustration and pain.

Sign One: No Planning, Only Postponing

Couples look toward the future. They may do so in small ways or for short periods of time. A clear indication of things heading in a wrong direction occurs when the forward momentum stops. Let's see how these factors manifest.

Lack of Foresight: When all talk of what is coming next ends, a relationship cease to grow. Couples have vast areas to explore and plan for. They can talk about living situations, the growth of family or even the state of their heart. If a partner has nothing to add within the countless avenues, they may have already decided they see no future beyond the now.

Pulling the Reins: The flip side of lack of planning can be seen in putting off future decisions. This can be done in a variety of clever ways. They may change the subject, look for reasons not tackle even pleasant things or pretend they are unavailable. One of the craftiest ways they may be demonstrating how they have checked out is by implying the person wanting a future is placing too much pressure on them.

Sign Two: Different Pages in Different Books

Strong relationships typically possess a good mix of shared and diverse interests. Being in lockstep in every area is not healthy because it does not allow for individual identity and room for personal growth. However, problems arise when the number of matching interests drop without being replaced or long held commonalities dry up like a neglected houseplant. Paying attention to small things like dropping leaves can be an early sign things are turning in the wrong direction.

Seeing What Says He's Leaving

Sign Three: Too Great a Distance in All Forms

Growing apart can be tricky to spot at first. Most partners attempt to guard against smothering someone. Even though squeezing too tight can be a risk, it is important to see how a growing gap demonstrates how an end may be emanate.

Physical: Being away for long periods of time and going to great lengths to be far away may indicate a separation of the heart.

Intellectual: Changes in once shared opinions or intellectual truths illustrate fractures of a once tight bond.

Emotional: The most painful of the three usually arise in dismissive things said, cold tones and stony silence leaving the remaining person to wonder if they have done something wrong.

These are three broad areas. As with any far reaching system, a healthy relationship will be thriving on multiple levels including the underlying roots. Communication proves a prime barometer of the status of a couple's future. One needs to stay alert as he will always let you know his intentions with what he says, does and shares. Or maybe the things he fails to say, do or share.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

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Getting back a dating ex.

Retrieving an ex when they have started dating almost always proves tricky at best. It is never impossible, but it can be very difficult. Rather than entering into a protracted battle to secure an ex once more, one should take a look at the relationship, determine what would be the best possible outcome and then take steps to make a healthy offer to move forward.

Assessing the Past and Present

The End: One needs to avoid being clouded by an unrealistic view of a former relationship. This means accurately seeing how things ended and asking challenging questions such as:

* Was there infidelity?
* How healthy was the relationship to begin with?
* If changes could be made, what would they be?
* What is going on now causing consideration of a return to the ex?

The Present: One cannot view things from a solitary standpoint. Loneliness, solitude and a lack of personal prospects coupled with the happiness of an ex bolsters a sense of hopefulness about getting back into a relationship. By turning a blind eye to an ex's current happiness, it can lead to greater damage especially if things ended well. Breaking things further may seem like a small price to pay. Unfortunately, ripples reach far beyond the shores of the present moment. This can stop a reunion before it even begins.

Getting back a dating ex.

Looking to the Possible Results

People, especially those dealing with being alone while an ex has moved forward, tend to look at the rosiest of options. Rather than letting such thoughts live within the fertile ground of the imagination, one should execute an important exercise. Take a blank sheet of paper and divide it into three equal sections. At the top of the page, write "Good," "Bad" and "Ugly" into individual sections. Then, write out the scenario for each being as detailed as possible. Though seemingly childish or a flight of fantasy, this process will give clearer options moving forward. It may also give rise to more sobering aspects of the results of shattering a romance for potentially selfish gain.

Moving Forward

Fortunately, no relationship springs from whole cloth. The first steps will be slow. Even if things blossom into a rekindled romance, it likely will not happen for several months as trust is reestablished. For that reason, use these as markers along the way.

* Go Slow: Rushing to the point at which the old relationship ended, even if things were good, will likely end in another break up.
* Build Trust: Ignoring hurt feeling on both sides minimizes what was there including the positive parts.
* Accentuate Positives: Saying unflattering things about the current relationship or decisions made presents a needy face.
* Be Gracious: Trying to be warm and grateful for the person's role, in the past, present and future will mean more no matter what happens.

Only by realistically accepting the difficulties presented through this course of action can a person navigate the return into an ex's life. Their current relationship is only single hurdle being faced. If it is ignored or knocked down, you will never achieve anything more than greater pain. Be smart and look into their life with an open heart.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

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Mending Fences with Apolgies

When facing a longing to reestablish a relationship with an ex, several steps present themselves as avenues into a repaired union. No one way exists to reforge the place in one another's life. 

The truth is, because each couple lives within their own ecosystem, tried and fast rules never exist in a global fashion. One of the few assurances to beginning the process centers around asking for forgiveness. 

Taking into account the purpose and benefits of apologizing demonstrates how romance may be rekindled.

Purpose of an Apology

Asking for forgiveness can serve many roles in the parameters of a healthy relationship. All sorts of wrongs crop up within a multitude of situations. Work, family and romance stirs up mistakes requiring someone to admit these shortcomings and move forward. The hardest part can be the admission of what has been done wrong. People seek to defend themselves in an argument going so far as turning a blind eye to errors of judgement, harsh words and a litany of slights climbing to a crescendo and breaking the relationship in two.

Benefits for the Harmed

For those who have been wronged, they find receiving an apology key in putting the pain of the past behind them. Let's look at some of the benefits for those needing an apology.

* Acknowledgement of the Past: Too often, people carry unspoken pain coupled with questions regarding their view of the situation. Such a level of uncertainty weighs on an individual until they start questioning their view of the past.

Mending Fences with Apolgies

* Shedding Light: Hearing an apology opens their eyes to know the person apologizing cares for them. It also changes their point of view. They witness the care a true apology provides a window into the other's heart and demonstrating the care bestowed by them.

Benefits for the One Apologizing

Just as there clear positives for the one receiving the apology, the person apologizing changes for the better also. This concept may be difficult to assess. People often reside in a place where they are always right and never need to admit they were wrong.

* Letting Go: Harming someone, even in a mild way, leaves a mark on both people. A sense of relief will arise following the offering of an apology. One of the funny aspects is how one feels after the act regardless of the response. The knowledge of having done everything possible frees one from the burden of ongoing responsibility.

* Fresh Eyes: With the poison of the past hurts set aside, one can look at their partner afresh. This new view allows an opportunity to move forward. Though the direction may not blossom into a refreshed relationship, a clearer view is worth any cost.

Bear in mind, this is broken down in this way to ease the explanation. No one in any relationship ever finds themselves completely in the right or wrong camp. The narrative one tells places them at the center as the hero of their own story. Both sides will eventually need to switch roles giving the same grace to the other if things are going to continue. The benefits, regardless of the outcome, far outweigh strictly the return of a romantic relationship. That is what everyone should be striving for.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

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Blocks to Building Trust

Trust in relationships mimic a web created with tiny strands and decisions. Knowing the right time move forward or reweave a certain section proves tricky. Couples need a solid plan establishing the foundation and building from their base. Countless people believe they know every aspect regarding trust. If this were true, few relationships would end over broken trust. With that in mind, couples must take into account more than trite ideals.

Communicate

Couples seeking deeper trust, even when starting out, must communicate with one another. Often this seems far too easy. When asked what they do well, both members of the pair typically say they possess a great handle on communicating. The strict law of averages will tell anyone not every person has the keen grasp on communication they believe they do. This means everyone, no matter what they believe, needs to work on their skills.

* Listen: The cornerstone of trust involves taking in the information of the other person and must come first every time.
* Speak: Stone cold silence stifles any hope forming a bond. Sharing breaths life into the spark of communication.
* Clarify: Brief exchanges verifying what has been disclosed eases the conversation forward allowing for deeper topics to arise.

Connect

The next step to building trust revolves around connecting with a partner. Communication, at least initially, can stay at a surface level. If a couple wants to deepen their trust, they must be brave and connect on deeper topics. These areas can be fraught with risk because people develop viewpoints which may be challenged in ways they find uncomfortable. In that difficult space, trust is forged.

Blocks to Building Trust 

* History: Mutually confessing past hurts displays chinks in the perfect images and allowing the other to witness true shortcomings.
* Future: Hopes and dreams live in the space beyond the now. By delving into these areas, couples get windows into each other's hearts in special ways.
* Beliefs: Trust can flourish in a debate about things held sacred by each person. The very insubstantial nature of these topics means a bond becomes critical in ways simple conversation alone will never cover.

Care

This final step brings couples to the pinnacle of trust building because it connects the first two in the unique space beyond the obvious. Couples can believe they communicate well. They also can feel connected to one another. Care for each other comes from a place far different. It is a melding of the head and the heart. Intellect may carry the pair to lip of the diving board. The plunge occurs when the heart sees no other avenue than caring for the person. Caring never means blindly moving forward without communication or connection. Care overwhelms past prejudices allowing light and love to flow inside the couple.

It is best to see the three steps as strands of a cord braided together. No one will care with out sharing their heart. Connection never goes deeper than spirited debates in the absence of care. There is a place where they all mix into something stronger than the three skills alone. Couples with a strong bond will be secure with trust to carry them through any trial and into deeper love.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

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Five Boyfriends to Avoid

In a time where almost anything can be customized and delivered, relationships still require work. This usually means weeding out those who are not right. Spotting problems early and extricating from sticky entanglements frees one up to seek the right person. Even smart people can be tricked into believing certain truisms about potential boyfriends. They need to accurately identify problem people and the trouble they can cause.

Silent

"He's the strong silent type."

This phrase suffuses conversations and media about the man who stays quiet in the face of almost everything. An important caveat to this centers around the idea of "strong" and "silent" being mutually exclusive. Not everyone who is strong is quietly contemplative. Therefore, not everyone who holds his tongue proves the strongest in the room. Silence can breed uncertainty and leave too much open to interpretation. Quiet waters can run deep, but it does not mean they are listening.

Talkative

"He doesn't meet a stranger."


This guy fills all the space with words. While this removes the conversational burden, an endless conversationalist may say far less than it appears. The tendency is to believe this type of man is rare given the archetype of the quiet men. Fortunately, variety abounds meaning there are Chandler Bings, full of nervous conversation, as there are men of few words. The disadvantage of these men centers around them not providing space for others to share and absorbing the information when it is their turn to listen.

The Comic

"He's always making us laugh."

A sunny outlook and quick wit can make times light. This outlook proves necessary when things become too serious. One of the greatest challenges for men like this comes from turning off their humorous side. When they respond with a joke during a serious time, it undercuts the importance of what is happening. They sometimes chose to use humor to distance themselves from what they are feeling, so it creates rifts causing unspoken topics to grow and become more difficult to uncover.

Five Boyfriends to Avoid 

So Serious

"He's so mature."

Depending on the history, a guy who projects a mature demeanor can be refreshing. He comes across as stable. This archetype might have been more evident in the past where everyone wore suits and drank scotch with perpetual frowns. The bad news is these guys still exist. They may wear ironic t shirts, but they still see everything as critical. This may start as a world view before morphing into specifics about themselves and their partners. It can be difficult to find the fun of dating with this person despite the good head he has on shoulders.

Overly Aggressive

"He knows what he wants and is decisive."

In this day and age of compliance, a man who speaks directly may seem refreshing. The charm of a man who comes across in this way exists in contrast to others who appear too sensitive or timid. Unfortunately, decisive can become demanding to the point of not taking in the concerns of others. These behaviors bubble up early in very subtle ways including the way they treat people in service positions, conflicts escalating from no where and ending discussion when not getting what they want.

Going through each candidate, they all have aspects making them a good partner. Silent allows space for conversation. Talkative shares what is going on. The comic keeps the mood light. So serious follows deeper topics. Even aggressive possess the positive attribute of making decisions. The ideal boyfriend will have a variety aspects and know when each one should present itself. The reward rests in finding the one that listens, shares, laughs, contemplates and defends in the right way for you.